Magic Mike XXL (USA, 2015)

Nine Things About the Movie Magic Mike XXL

1. The first Magic Mike movie was directed by Steven Soderbergh, so it was actually a real movie. It wasn't so much about strippers as young aimless men lured into a flashy but shallow business, run by a flashy but shady manager.

2. This movie was not directed by Steven Soderbergh. This was not a real movie. It was more like an idea of a movie that they never finished. With key members of the cast gone.

3. The story is basically a less-believable version of The Wizard of Oz. The boys gather to take a road trip to a far-away, famous stripper convention, and they run across various characters along the way. They also learn that what they were really looking for has been with them all along. Seriously.

4. Both movies were written by the same person, but it didn't seem like it. There were flashes of intelligence and humor here, but nothing like the first movie. This movie didn't really have a heart. Or a brain. Or a point.

5. Along the journey, the men go to a drag bar, and they win an amateur dance-Vogue thing. Then they meet Andie McDowell, an aging southern belle who regrets that the only man she ever had sex with was gay. Then they meed Jada Pinkett Smith, who has this "Eyes Wide Shut" mansion where men exist to make women feel like queens. The guys also take molly and make all new dance routines, based on the men that they really feel like inside. Except the new dances are all kinda stupid.

6.   Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love Donald Glover, and I'll watch anything he's in. But he was an awkward fit for this movie, even if he did play a wannabe rapper named Andre.

7.  The actual stripper convention was very anticlimactic. The final routines were short and dumb. Well, except for the very last one with Channing Tatum and Stephen "Twitch" Boss. That mirror routine was cool, I admit.

8. The movie is fun to watch in that "guilty pleasure" kinda way. But it's not actually good or anything.

9. The movie doesn't have an ending. It just stops. Like this review.

In the Heart of the Sea (USA, 2015)

Nine Things About the Movie In The Heart of the Sea

1. The movie is based on the true story of the whaling ship Essex, which was sunk by a whale, and which inspired the famous novel Moby Dick.

2. The movie is gorgeously filmed. It's an epic adventure. It has a great cast. And it is a good movie. But for some reason, it's not a great movie. This is an example of how truly awesome movies need an extra mysterious ingredient - and this movie doesn't have it.

3. The context of the film is set up really well. In 1820, whale oil was in high demand to provide fuel for lanterns and street lights, and you could make a lot of money by getting on a ship and hunting whales. Chris Hemsworth plays the first mate of the Essex, which sets out to get at least 2000 barrels of whale oil.

4. The best part of the movie is seeing how the ships were run, how whales were hunted, and how the oil was harvested from dead whales.

5. Even though it's about a giant whale that destroys a ship, the whale is hardly in the movie. The main story is the relationship among the crew members, especially the friction between the ship's captain (played by Benjamin Walker, who isn't very well known) and Hemsworth's character.

6. The ensemble cast contains a couple of my favorite actors, Cillian Murphy and Ben Whishaw. Chris Hemsworth is not one of my favorite actors, but he does pretty well, here. At least he's not Thor.

7. The movie's pace greatly decreases in the last 45 minutes, and the melodrama greatly increases. The things the men have to do to survive are fairly ghoulish, and director Ron Howard had a great opportunity to create some real drama and pathos. But he screws it up by treating the situations with dry narration and cameras that cut away exactly when they shouldn't.

8. This may be the most gorgeous movie of the year; it's probably worth seeing just for the cinematography alone. There is some great camera work, and some individual scenes took my breath away.

9. The movie is an old-fashioned adventure, which nobody really makes anymore, and I give Ron Howard credit for making it. It's a great attempt at mixing history and human drama with an epic scope. It's just too bad he couldn't quite pull it off.

Chi-raq (USA, 2015)

Nine Things About the Film Chi-Raq

1. This movie is rude, raw, raunchy, wrong... and right on the money. It's going to be too much for some people, but I personally think it may be the best movie of 2015.

2. It's a retelling of a 2500-year-old Greek play named Lysistrata. Writer/producer/director Spike Lee updates the play and sets it in a gang-run neighborhood of Chicago. Nick Cannon plays Chiraq, who is both a local rapper and the head of the Spartan gang. Wesley Snipes plays Cyclops, the aging leader of their deadly rivals, the Trojan Gang. Samuel L. Jackson plays the narrator Dolmedes (see what they did there?). After a small child is gunned down in the street and nobody wants to come forward to be a witness, the women in the neighborhood have reached their breaking point. They band together and vow not to have sex with any man until the gangs squash their beef for good.

3. The movie is a satire, an indictment, and a plea. It was written by Lee and film professor Kevin Willmot (who lives in Lawrence, KS). They must have dipped their pen in acid to write the script, because this film burns. Beneath the satirical humor, this movie is angry. Very very angry. And everybody is to blame.

4. Lee has been criticized for setting the movie in Chicago (and using the controversial title) when he's not even from there. Some people think the movie makes fun of the gang and violence issues. I understand those criticisms, but I think they are misdirected. The movie starts tightly focused on the street murder of a child in Chicago, but then it spirals outward until it's a glorious mess that sweeps more and more topics into its whirlwind. Chicago is a symbol of a much bigger cluster of issues. Besides, Lee gives a lot of love to Chicago.

5. Artistically, the movie is a masterpiece. It has a rhythm both in movement and speech. As a reference to the original play, most of the dialogue is spoken in rhyme.  You don't have to know the original Lysistrata to see this movie, but if you do, you gain an extra layer of appreciation as you see how Lee translates ancient Greece into modern urban America. In addition, Lee uses colors to great effect, especially the colors of the rival gangs.

6. Nick Cannon blew me away with his portrayal of Chiraq. Before this, everything I'd seen him in made him seem mild and rather family-friendly. But in this movie, he not only leaves his Nickelodeon and "America's Got Talent" fun goofiness behind, he obliterates it.

7. John Cusack's character is based on a real priest in the neighborhood where the movie takes place. His church sermon is not only one of the high points of the film, it gave me a new appreciation of why church and spirituality are so important to the black community.

8. The movie will not be appreciated by everyone. Some people will be turned off by the explicitness of the topic. Some people will not get the satire. Some people will not be prepared for the amount of concentration it takes to understand it. Some people will get overly defensive. The easily offended should find something else to watch.

9. This is the Spike Lee that I love. It's his best and ballsiest movie since his classics Do the Right Thing and Malcolm X. It's confrontational, relevant, smart, funny, and heartbreaking. For a movie with so much absurd comedy, I found myself with tears in my eyes more than once. The movie transcends itself and lights the American powder-keg. People will be talking about this movie for a long time.

Krampus (USA, 2015)

Nine Things About the Movie Krampus

1.This poisoned holiday card is my new all time favorite Christmas movie.

2. This is a weird little indie movie that somehow got big-budget Hollywood backing. It's based on the old German legend of Krampus, a horned creature that shows up at Christmas time to kidnap and kill bad children.

3. It is about a family getting together for the holidays, and they all hate each other. When a boy loses his faith in a happy life, the neighborhood is assaulted with a blizzard... and some pretty nasty things in the blizzard.

4. The movie is hard to categorize. It starts out as an acidic, mean-spirited comedy and dark cultural satire. But it increasingly adds horror elements, so it ends up being very different than it started. It's an odd combination, and some people won't like it just because they aren't sure what it is that they are watching. If you want a full-on horror movie, you may be disappointed. But that's not what it's trying to be, and it makes that clear from the very first scene.

5. It was written and directed by Michael Dougherty. Dougherty also wrote and directed my favorite Halloween movie, Trick 'r Treat, which has a similar feel and style to this one.

6. Some of the horror sequences are confusingly edited, which makes me suspect they were cut down so the movie could go from being rated 'R' to 'PG-13'. This is annoying, but the movie doesn't lose its punch. So while this movie may not be rated 'R' it is NOT for little kids. Some children will be terrified by the events of this film. Some adults may object to a few scenes.

7. There is an underlying theme of sacrifice in the film, including the sacrifice of innocence.

8. I was worried about how the movie was going to end, but Dougherty doesn't betray what he built up. The conclusion of the film was very satisfying.

9. This movie takes everything you love about Christmas and twists them inside out. It corrupts all that is sacred about the holiday. It's a beautifully whimsical, horrific fairy tale that exposes the human darkness and false happiness of the most wonderful time of the year.

Creed (USA, 2015)

Nine Things About the Movie Creed

1. The 2006 film Rocky Balboa brought the saga of the legendary movie boxer to a classy and satisfying ending - nothing else was needed. But nine years later, here comes Creed, the seventh movie in the series. Of course, lots of things could have gone wrong here... but nothing does. This is a movie worthy of the series, while also sending things off into a new direction. As Sylvester Stallone reportedly said, "this is Creed 1, not Rocky 7".

3. The movie is about Adonis Creed, the son of Apollo when Apollo apparently cheated on his wife sometime around Rocky IV (the timeline doesn't quite match up with Adonis's age, but I can run with it). He grows up in a life of privilege, but gives it up to become a boxer because he loves to fight. He convinces Rocky to be his trainer.

4. The movie stands on its own, but fits well into the existing Rocky universe. There are many references to the other films in the series, which gives an extra resonance to things (if you listen closely, you can even hear Rocky say his famous catchphrase.)

5. Michael B. Jordan plays Adonis, and he is just about perfect for the role. I've been a huge fan of him ever since he blew me away in Fruitvale Station, and he's honestly one of the reasons I decided to watch this - I trusted he (as well as the director) wouldn't make a bad movie. And I was right.

6. The movie was written and directed by Ryan Coogler, who also wrote and directed Fruitvale Station. This is only his second movie, but he has already proven himself a talented filmmaker that can bring life to existing material, while remaining respectful to its roots.

7. There are many moments in this film that mirror the original Rocky, and it's interesting to watch from that perspective. The struggle of Adonis to both accept and escape his last name is a compelling story. At the same time, Rocky lives in the shadow of his own fame, and he ends up identifying with his dead wife's struggles, too. There are several emotional moments for each character, and they all ring true.

8. The big fight at the movie's climax brought all the same emotions back to me that I felt way back when I watched the original Rocky. On the other end of the spectrum, there is an extremely bittersweet scene on the famous steps that made me feel the unique pain of passing time.

9. This is a classy, smart, and emotional movie. Fans of the series will be impressed with the way the saga is handled. For people that have never seen the originals, they can jump in on one of the greatest sports movie franchises in history. If Coogler and Jordan can keep this quality up, I'll gladly start watching Creed movies instead of Rocky movies.

Beasts of No Nation (USA, 2015)

Nine Things About the Film Beasts of No Nation

1. This is a uniquely painful film about the real-life phenomenon of child soldiers. It takes place in West Africa, and tells the story of an 8-year-old boy named Agu. His village is caught up in the middle of a civil war, and he ends up alone in the jungle, until a small group of guerrilla fighters find him. Agu is raised, trained, and brainwashed to fight for a cause that he is too young to understand.

2.  The movie is basically about the complete destruction of a happy kid... and the emergence of a traumatized child war criminal. While it's easy to condemn what's done to the boy in this movie, you also come to understand the context in which this happens. It's harder to know where to place the blame than you might think.

3. While this movie is not specifically a true story, it is based on real events. It comes from the book of the same name, written by a 23-year-old man who works in real life with rehabilitating child soldiers. .

4. The film is beautiful to watch, which is a big contrast to its subject. The movie has some graphic scenes, but doesn't show all the violence and degradation that it could have. They leave a good amount to your imagination.

5. The movie was written, directed, and filmed by Cary Joji Fukunaga. Fukunaga also wrote and directed 2009's remarkable movie Sin Nombre, but is probably most famous for directing the first season of the HBO series True Detective.

6. The kid that plays Agu, Abraham Atta, gives one of the best acting performances of the year. It's impossible to describe his charisma and his range of emotional reactions. Atta was accidentally discovered by the filmmakers because he was skipping school and playing soccer when the director walked by, looking for child actors.

7. Idris Elba plays the rebel leader. He's a great actor and I've been a fan of him ever since The Wire was on HBO in 2002. He needs more substantial leading roles. I hope the rumor of him playing the next James Bond comes true.

8. This is a non-Hollywood, independent film, which means that usually hardly anybody would see it. But Netflix bought the rights to distribute the film, and put it on their website as well as in a few theaters. A lot more people can now watch it. And they should.

9. This is a profoundly depressing, beautiful, horrifying story that vividly illustrates a part of contemporary world events that us Westerners don't hear much about. Don't watch this movie if you want to stay in a good mood. But watch it sometime. It's important. 

The Hallow (Britain/Ireland, 2015)

Nine Things About the Movie "The Hallow"

1. Normally, I would say bad things about a movie like this. I would say that the story is unoriginal (a family moves into a house in the woods, and things in the woods aren't happy). I would say the movie steals pieces from multiple films (I lost count at six) and mixes genres. I would say it shoehorns in half-baked metaphors about environmentalism and the power of a mother's love. That's what I would normally say.

2. But I can't say bad things about this movie. Instead, I have to say that this is one of the best horror films of 2015.

3. The movie is based on old dark Irish mythology. Writer/director Corin Hardy takes a risky move with it by mixing in elements of "Evil Dead", "The Fly", "The Thing", "Straw Dogs", and "Aliens", among others. Hardy obviously loves these genres, and he has the skill to show these references in a plain and unapologetic way, but which doesn't insult the original films. This is something his contemporaries like James Wan and Leigh Wannell haven't figured out, which is why "The Conjuring" and "Annabelle" are just patchwork quilts of disappointment.

4. The visual mood and atmosphere is dark and beautiful, ethereal and off-putting. It fits the subject perfectly.

5. The camera seems to have a mind of its own, sometimes focusing momentarily on mundane things like someone putting down kitchen cutlery, or tapping fingers. This adds to the feeling that something isn't right, but you can't figure out what.

6. The movie not entirely serious - since it's partly an homage to other horror films, Hardy can pull off a little tongue-in-cheek attitude. The flaming scythe should be added to the collection of iconic horror weapons.

7. The movie is kind of violent, but it's not super bloody. It's more... gooey.

8. Hardy tries to update the mythology with a sort-of-scientific explanation. It muddles things up a little bit, and wasn't really necessary, but it is an intriguing idea.

9. What Hardy has managed to do with this movie is take elements of other movies and forge them into a tool that taps into the deep primal fear that exists in every person and which inspires all those other films. It doesn't matter that the movie is kind of predictable - it gets you anyway.

Half of a Yellow Sun [Nigeria, 2013]

Nine Things About the Film "Half of a Yellow Sun"

1. This movie is basically two short films with the same characters. The first half is a melodramatic romance. The second half is a historical war drama.

2. It's about two upper class, educated Nigerian sisters in the early 1960's and how they shock their traditional parents by shacking up with men that won't help their careers. These romantic choices help determine the roles they play in the Nigerian Civil War at the end of the 1960's.

3. The plot of the first hour is kind of boring as a story, but it's interesting as a character study. The older sister, Olanna, lives with a professor named Odenigbo that likes to imagine himself as a revolutionary. The younger sister, Kainene, runs the family business while sleeping with an English writer named Richard. There is drama, and cheating, and scandal, in both families.

4. While the first hour is a soap opera, it's also helpful in setting up the second hour. The opening scene of the movie shows Nigeria gaining independence from Britain in 1960, which sets lots of other things in motion. In between the family drama, you learn more about how Nigeria works - the geography, the class system, the prejudice and tribal politics.

5. Almost exactly halfway through the movie, the ethnic, economic, and cultural conflicts brewing in the background suddenly become the main story. Odenigbo's tribe, the Igbo people, don't trust the northern government. They carve out a little piece of the country and attempt to secede, declaring themselves the country of Biafra, independent of Nigeria. Everything comes unglued (in real life, over a million people died in this war that lasted about 30 months).

6. The movie attempts to explore topics such as nationalism, tribalism, identity, and what white Westerners are doing in their country. But since half the movie is spent on cheating spouses and relationship politics, there isn't much time for these more complicated ideas.

7. Thandie Newton is a really good actress that has never landed the big role she deserves (I still remember her from Beloved). She does well in this movie, and I was glad to see her again. Chiwetel Ejiofor is another great actor, and he plays Odenigbo with a good mixture of intelligence, stupidity and dumb loyalty (the same year this movie was made, Ejiofor also starred in 12 Years a Slave).

8. The movie was filmed in Nigeria, which brings an authentic feel to the events portrayed. But it was strangely shot - it's beautiful, but sometimes looks like a stage play.

9. This isn't a great film, but it's a good one. It's entertaining, educational, and is an example of Africans telling their own history. This two-hour movie taught me more about the world's largest continent than I ever learned in school.

The Houses October Built (USA, 2014)

Nine Things About The Houses October Built

1. I've seen some really bad found-footage horror films, but this movie is one of the worst I've ever seen. It is proof that just because you have a video camera at home and have an idea for a movie, that doesn't mean you should actually make it.

2. The idea of the movie isn't bad. It's supposed to be about a group of 5 people who are tired of the regular haunted house attractions that pop up before Halloween, and they go on a cross-country quest in their RV for a rumored real one that doesn't fake the things that happen inside.

3. Unfortunately, most of the movie is either pointless conversation between the characters (who sometimes read poems), or sloppy camera footage inside real haunted house attractions. I suspect that the script must have been written when the writer (and star of the movie), Zack Andrews, was stoned.

4. Nobody tries to explain why they need six video cameras (with infinite batteries and storage space) strapped to the inside and outside of their RV. How many times are they going to want to watch something from the position of their tire? Or what you can see behind the vehicle?

5. I think one of the main characters was supposed to be a serial killer, but nobody ever really seemed bothered that the dude brought girls to the RV at night, and then he wore their clothes the next morning after the girl disappeared. They were too busy discussing where they should go next while rolling up joints.

6. While walking toward one of their nightly haunted houses, one of characters said something to the effect that it looked like it was made by bored teenagers. Which is funny, because I had just thought the same thing about the movie.  I think most of the budget was spent on those rubber masks you can buy from Halloween stores starting about Labor Day.

7. Some of the footage inside the haunted houses had some chilling and unsettling moments. I think. It's too bad the person holding the camera was usually screaming and waving the camera around, so you mostly just saw blurs of light and plastic or plywood walls.

8. For some reason, a couple of the monsters in one of the haunted houses appeared again halfway across the country an another house. I'm not sure if this meant supernatural trickery was happening, or if the filmmakers just couldn't afford another mask.

9. This could have been an interesting movie. But once again, the no-budget found footage gimmick, combined with a rambling script that never answered any of the questions it made you ask, turned this film into something more boring than watching pumpkin seeds dry.