The Bling Ring (USA, 2013)

Nine Things about The Bling Ring

1. Directed by Sofia Coppola, this is based on a true story that made the news in 2009 (note: This is not the TV movie by the same name).

2. It’s about a group of disaffected, self-absorbed, privileged kids that rob celebrities’ houses while they are gone.

3. This is a stylish, hip black comedy that was better than I expected. As the kids’ capers escalate, so does the visual style of the film.

4. Paris Hilton was robbed by them multiple times in real life, and she makes a cameo in the film. Parts of the movie were filmed in her house - which is beyond description.

5. Emma Watson gives a great performance as a bitchy, drugged-out brat. She has definitely left Hogwarts behind.

6. This movie is basically about rich people robbing richer people, so it’s really hard to feel sorry for anybody.

7. Coppola doesn’t really take a stand on the morality of what happened. She kind of lets the kids give their own interpretation of what they did. This is an interesting choice, but she also loses the opportunity to really dig into the deeper issues, which is kind of disappointing.

8. You still can pull a few lessons from it, such as the eternal truth that kids are always looking for acceptance, no matter how much money their parents make. Cool is relative.

9. In the end, this is a testament to conspicuous consumption, and the idea that no matter how much you have, it’s never enough.

Prisoners (USA, 2013)

Nine Things About the Movie Prisoners

1. This is a dark psychological thriller about two fathers whose girls are kidnapped.

2. It starts off like one of those typical “I must find my daughter!” films. I was afraid it would be boring.

3. It eventually turns out to be closer to “Silence of the Lambs”. It wasn’t even close to being boring.

4. Hugh Jackman plays one of the fathers and Jake Gyllenhaal plays the detective. Each of them follows different leads to find the girls, with different results. The audience is left to decide for themselves which man – if either of them – is doing the right thing.

5. I’ve always been a fan of Gyllenhaal, and he is right on point here. He’s intense, layered, and commands the screen every time he’s on.

6. I’ve always been kind of “meh” about Jackman, but he surprised me with this. He has a fiercely raw emotion that makes you believe the lengths to which he’ll go to find his daughter. This is the best, most mature role I’ve ever seen him in.

7. The movie is almost two-and-a-half hours long, which gives plenty of time for the story and characters to marinate and come together. It repeatedly takes turns that I wasn’t expecting.

8. It is well written, not only as a thriller, but as a psychological examination of two complicated men and the demons who drive them.

9. It was originally rated NC-17 for being extremely violent. It was edited down to get an R-rating, but it’s still disturbing.

Beyond the Hills (Romania, 2012)

Nine Things about the Movie Beyond the Hills

1. This movie is based loosely on an actual incident that occurred at a Romanian Orthodox Catholic monastery in 2005.

2. It’s a quiet but gutsy tragedy of faith vs. doubt, of hanging on to your convictions past all reasonable boundaries.

3. It’s about a young woman named Alina. She goes to visit her secret ex-girlfriend, Voichita, who has joined a small convent of nuns that has partially broken away from the Orthodox Catholic Church. Alina is hoping to reconnect with Voichita, and is severely disappointed that Voichita has dedicated her life to the convent.

4. Alina is slightly mentally ill, and during her stay at the convent, she begins to break down. The nuns and the priest, who have deliberately broken most ties with modern society (they don’t even have electricity) aren’t sure what’s going on.

5. Full of religious superstition, they interpret Alina’s anger, broken heart and subsequent breakdown to possession by Satan.

6. The momentum and sense of foreboding slowly builds, and the last 45 minutes is a pretty distressing account of an attempted exorcism of Alina.

7. The cinematography and sound of the film are very well done – you really feel like you are in a little isolated corner of the world, tucked away from modern life.

8. The movie reminds us that when superstition clashes with science, nobody wins.

9. Hollywood likes to remake European movies, but I don’t think they have the guts to do this one. It would offend too many people.

Elysium (USA, 2013)

Nine Things about the Movie Elysium

1. This is a gorgeous, relevant science fiction film from Neill Blomkamp, the guy that made “District 9”.

2. It’s set in the year 2154, when all the rich people have moved off Earth to an orbiting space station called Elysium. Matt Damon stars as an ex-con car car thief on Earth, living in the slums of LA.

3. Jodie Foster plays the secretary of defense of Elysium. Her main job seems to be to get rid of illegal immigrants that try to force their way into the rich world.

4. After an industrial accident infects Matt Damon with lethal radiation, he joins forces with a group of hackers trying to steal valuable financial information.

5. I always admire actors that aren’t afraid to look like crap. Damon spends most of the movie dying from radiation poisoning and getting beat up. He does well. On the other end of the appearance spectrum, Foster is excellent as the fashionable, icy bitch that really runs Elysium. The way she enunciates words is so startlingly cultured that I had trouble paying attention to anything else when she talked.

6. Blomkamp seems to be obsessed with slums and favelas; this movie has a very similar look and feel to District 9. It could easily be occurring in the same world.

7. The lead role was first offered to a South African rapper named Ninja, but he didn’t want it. Then it was offered to Eminem. But Eminem wanted to film the movie in Detroit, and Hollywood said no. So it was given to Damon.

8. There are definitely a few plot holes, but they don’t take from the overarching story. The pacing and look of the film help distract you from paying too much attention to the problems.

9. It’s not a particularly original film. It’s about rich vs. poor, overpopulation, immigration, and the human condition. But the story is told well, the art design is delicious, and the acting is above average. Like Blomkamp’s first film, this is social commentary disguised as science fiction.

The Purge [USA, 2013]

Nine Things About the Movie The Purge

1. Despite how it is advertised, this is not a horror movie. The sooner you realize this, the better.

2. This is a dark, violent, well-acted, and uncomfortable allegory about the American class system.

3. The movie takes place over a span of 13 hours. Ethan Hawke plays a well-meaning, but rather rigid, father that lives in a very wealthy gated community with his family. They settle into their home for the evening behind their state-of-the-art security system to keep out of The Purge. The Purge is a night where all crime is legal. This is designed to let Americans vent their frustration, anger, and violent impulses, so that the rest of the year everyone can get along better. Anyway, the two kids end up compromising the security of their house, and the family must defend their lives from psycho college students who want things the family has.

3 There are some parts of the movie that, at first, seem dumb or unrealistic. But if you look at those instances as metaphor, the whole movie unlocks and begins to make sense.

4. This movie is less concerned with telling an actual story, and more concerned with examining issues of entitlement, envy, the dangers of using God as a foundation of patriotism, and the deep dehumanization of others (as well as the self) that is required to keep those things going.

5. The home-invasion thriller part of the movie is well-acted and has some surprises.

6. There is a lot of violence in this movie, but not like some people expect. It is not about showing rampant carnage so that the audience can experience their own Purge vicariously. The epic idea of the movie is scaled way down to become an intimate experience. This disappointed a lot of people.

7. This movie is not about the Purge, but about the reactions and consequences to living with such a system as The Purge.

8. It's about the self-deception that the wealthy engage in when they say "Things like that don't happen in our neighborhood". It's about the intrinsic instability that roils under the calm surface of the upper class, and how they really are like piranhas, tearing apart anything they see as prey - even if it is each other.

9. The Purge is a suspenseful and thoughtful morality tale that makes a depressing case about human nature. The more you think about it, the more impressive it is.

ABC's of Death (2013)

Nine Things About the Movie The ABC’s of Death

1. This is perhaps the most unique movie of 2013.

2. It’s an interesting setup. 26 directors from around the world were given a letter of the alphabet. They picked a word starting with that letter, and then made a short film about that word that incorporates death. They were given complete artistic freedom to make whatever they wanted.

3. The movie spans cultures, times, countries, and topics. Some are more conventional, and some are pretty extremely out there. Some are serious, some are funny.

4. The movie has been criticized for being too uneven. I’m not sure that’s a legitimate criticism. We have 26 different movies by 26 different directors. Each one has its own style and technique. Now having said that, some films were definitely better than others.

5. There are some minor masterpieces, absolute gems, sitting in this infernal alphabet. Some are burned into my mind, whether I want them there or not.

6. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but there seems to be a thread involving toilets, poop, or farts weaving its way through the films.

7. There were more giant penises than I expected.

8. If there was an award for “weirdest film” in this anthology, it would definitely go to Japan. Of course. No other country is quite in touch with their inner freakiness as them.

9. I don’t recommend this to most people - it’s pretty violent, bizarre, and it goes to bad places that no mainstream film would ever consider.  But for those with more... unusual tastes, this can be a good time.

The Quiet Ones (United Kingdom, 2014)

Nine Things About the Movie The Quiet Ones

1.For a horror movie, The Quiet Ones is well-named.

2. It’s set at Oxford University in 1974. A professor has custody of an insane young woman who thinks she’s possessed. The professor hires three young assistants to help him with experiments to “cure” her.

3. The professor believes that the girl isn’t really possessed, but does have telekinetic powers that she doesn’t understand or know how to control. His experiments are basically psychological and physical torture techniques that will upset the girl enough to let out her “demon” so they can discover what’s really going on.

4. As the movie progresses, and the girl can’t get her demon to come out, the young assistants begin to suspect that maybe the whole thing is a hoax, or that the professor is obsessed with the girl.

5. The movie gets points for actually talking about real science and hypotheses, and how experiments can be contaminated. It’s also cool to watch the 1970’s setting and scientific technology.

6. The actual story is pretty interesting. But it’s not very scary; it’s more of a drama. So the director had to put in a few stupid “jump scares” just to make something happen.

7. The movie does a good job of building a creepy, moody drama where you aren’t sure exactly what the deal is. After awhile, the possessed girl seems less threatening than the professor in charge of her.

8. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t know how to end - the “solution” just comes out of nowhere to tie things up in a sudden and shocking way. It basically makes the rest of the movie pointless. I don't really even understand what happened.

9. As a psychological drama, this is a pretty interesting, stylish story. But as a horror movie, it’s at first kind of boring and then rather ridiculous.

The Room (USA, 2003)

Nine Things About the Movie The Room

1. Oh hi!

2. Before I saw this film for the first time, all I really knew is that some critic called it "the Citizen Kane of bad movies". I thought the hyperbole was amusing. But whoever the critic was, they were dead right. That's the only way to describe this jaw-dropping cinematic black hole.

3. This is supposed to be a romantic drama about a man engaged to a woman who doesn't love him anymore and who starts sleeping with his best friend.

4. Like "Citizen Kane", this movie is the brainchild of one man. Tommy Wiseau wrote, produced, directed, and stars in it. And like Orson Welles, this is Wiseau's first film. But it's the anti-matter version. For everything that Welles did brilliantly, Wiseau does idiotically. It's like Wiseau (who obviously has a thing for Tennessee Williams) took a crash course in filmmaking... and misunderstood every lesson.

5. Wiseau also clearly has a thing for Tennessee Williams. He consciously tries to imitate the feel and story themes of the famous playwright. Too bad he makes a complete mockery of things.

6. Let me make this perfectly clear. There are not just a couple of things wrong with this movie, there are literally hundreds. From the acting, to the script, to the technical production, the whole thing is like an atom bomb waiting to go off. An atom bomb made of spoons.

7. There is no way to adequately describe this film. The main star, Wiseau, has the body and and acting ability of a reanimated corpse. Now combine that with the dialogue's rampant non-sequiturs, the anonymous characters, the plot holes big enough to throw footballs through, and the apartment's mysterious doorways. 

8. This movie must be experienced to be appreciated. It makes you feel drunk or stoned, even when you are totally sober. It will be tearing you apart before you know it.

9. The Room is famous in underground cinema circles, and has attracted a cult following not seen since The Rocky Horror Picture Show,  For better or worse, your life will not be the same once you've seen it.

The Raid 2: Berendal (Indonesia, 2014)

Nine Things about the Movie The Raid 2: Berendal 

1. In 2012, one of the greatest martial arts action movies ever made was released. It was called “The Raid: Redemption”. Unfortunately, being an Indonesian film with subtitles, very few people in America saw it. It became a cult classic among action movie lovers. If you have seen the first movie, you can pretty much stop reading the review right here and go see this one. Yes, it’s that good. It’s the most badass movie of the year.

2. This movie continues the story of Rama, the cop that survived the first movie. It starts out exactly where the first movie ended, so if you haven’t seen the first one, you are going to be pretty lost for awhile. And yes, it’s still Indonesian, and still has subtitles.

3. In this movie, Rama is “persuaded” to help find more dirty cops by going undercover and joining the ranks of a crime syndicate. Then the mayhem begins.

4. The action in this movie is just as good, if not better than, the first movie. The choreography of the fight scenes are gorgeous and almost like a ballet.

5. The violence in this movie is brutal, bloody, and beautiful. It has the highest body count since, well, the first movie. It’s not for pacifists, or those who can’t stand the sight of blood.

6. The cinematography is exquisite. Sometimes the camera is focused on extreme close-ups; other times it soars over and through the action like a deadly angel. The set designs are elegant and stylish.

7. Sure, there are some silly parts - the bad guys tend to forget they have guns and decide to fight Rama in hand-to-hand combat. But that’s all part of the bone-cracking, spine-ripping fun.

8. The movie is two and a half hours long, which is rare for an action picture. That’s because in between the fight scenes there is a lot going on. There are double-crosses, counter-crosses, and accidental crosses. It’s a lot to keep track of.

9. This is a hyper-violent, stylish work of action art, made for people who enjoy extreme, over-the-top action. If you’ve seen “The Raid: Redemption”, you need to see this one. If you haven’t seen the first movie, then you need to correct your mistake, go watch it, and then see this one.