Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Bad Milo! [USA, 2013]

Nine Things about the Movie Bad Milo!

1. Netflix recommended this movie to me. It’s proof that they need to improve their suggestion algorithms.

2. This movie is terrible. I even watched it drunk, and it didn’t help.

3. The movie begins with a guy named Duncan. His doctor tells him, "You've got a thing in your butt". He needs to find a way to keep his stress down, to keep the “thing” from growing bigger.

4. Actually, Duncan has a monster in his butt. When he gets too stressed, the monster pops out of his butt and kills whatever is stressing Duncan out. Or whatever else it finds.

5. Duncan teams up with a crackpot psychologist, who tells him the “myth of the anus”, and recommends that Duncan bond with the butt monster, which he names Milo. If Duncan kills Milo, Duncan will turn into a zombie.

6. I think the movie is trying to be a metaphor for fatherhood, but it’s an epic fail. The plot makes no sense. The characters are random and full of stupid humor. The movie spends way too much time in bathrooms, and has too many pointless close-ups on Duncan’s demon-filled ass.

7. The movie is obviously trying to become a “cult classic”. But the filmmakers don’t realize that you can’t try to attain that status. It happens naturally. Otherwise, it’s a pathetic waste of time - like this movie.

8. I actually feel sorry for the actors. I don’t know what they could have been thinking when they agreed to make this movie. They need to keep this movie off their resumes.

9. This movie fails on all fronts. It’s a comedy that isn’t funny, a monster movie that isn’t interesting, and a cult film that isn’t edgy. It’s boring and stupid and juvenile.