Friday, December 27, 2013

47 Ronin (USA, 2013)

Nine Things About the Movie 47 Ronin

1. This Keanu Reeves fantasy action movie was misnamed. Instead of “47 Ronin”, it should have been called “47 Things Wrong With This Movie”.

2. Spoiler alert: The biggest problem with the movie is that it's a trick. While it’s supposed to be about 47 renegade warriors on a mission of vengeance, they only appear in like the last 10 minutes.

3. To be fair, it’s not complete crap. It’s visually stylish and has great special effects. But… that’s about it.

4. The 47 Ronin actually did exist in real life. But I don’t think they fought witch dragons or magical swordsmen.

5. This big-budget movie was entrusted to a brand new director, and he is clearly out of his depth. This movie is inconsistent in every way possible. The pacing is terrible. And while it’s interesting visually, the style seems to compete with itself, like two different movies were being made.

6. The whole movie feels like it’s on fast forward. It rushes through the plot, so that you don’t have time to learn or care about the characters. Then it suddenly slows down for some stupid love story or discussion about honor.

7. For a movie about rage, vengeance, and doomed love, there is surprisingly little emotion in the film. It’s fairly cold and one-dimensional. It’s also not all that violent.

8. Sometimes the characters speak Japanese. Sometimes they speak English with a Japanese accent. Sometimes they speak English with a British accent. Keanu Reeves just sounds like Keanu Reeves.

9. The movie was supposed to have been released Christmas 2012. But they kept pushing it back to Christmas 2013 so they could re-do parts of it. That's always a bad sign, and the results are right on the screen. It’s a nice try, but it ends up collapsing under its own weight.